Memories -- The King of the World

     Last night I was sitting at my desk facing a huge pile of bills, and knowing that more were on the way come the end of the month. Sometimes it’s easy to look at all our problems and forget about the good things we have in our lives. Rather than getting depressed, I started to think of all the things in my life that I’ve been blessed with. I have a family that loves me. I have my health, and I’ve been told if I keep working hard, I may have a future as a writer. My mind is still pretty sharp, though my wife may disagree at times with that statement. I also have a future full of endless possibilities and opportunities. I guess I’m a pretty lucky man.

     As I continued with the bills, I reached for another stamp and glanced over at a picture of my son hanging on the wall above my desk. At that moment as a small smile crossed my lips, a flood of good and precious memories washed across my mind. I realized that one of the most important gifts which I, as well as all of have, is our ability to remember things. This may be one of mankind's greatest gifts. I know there are bad things in all our lives that we would like to forget, but there are so many good things that we're glad we can remember, hold close to our hearts, and pull from the deepest parts of our minds when we need them the most.

     Sitting at my desk with so many things weighing on my mind I decided to take a moment, close my eyes and bring up memories of things from my life. I've been gifted with a fantastic memory. Everything I see, hear, smell, touch, or taste I can remember like it was yesterday. Right now I can close my eyes and envision a flower show I attended with my wife and son a few years ago. In my mind’s eye I can see the multitude of flowers in red, yellow, orange, and white. I can smell the delicate scent of the thousands of flowers, which was almost overpowering. I can even remember a young couple who were walking ahead of us, and were holding hands. As they walked among the flowers I heard the young man softly whisper, "I love you." It's strange some of the things we remember.

     I have one special memory I would like to share with you today. It happened a few years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. It is one of those memories which always seem to give me comfort. I'll be the first person to admit that life is often hard. The economy is bad, people are losing their jobs and homes are being foreclosed. Many people like me have lost loved ones or have someone who is ill. The future may be uncertain, but through all the trials and tribulations of life we always have our memories. I hope you enjoy one of my very special memories.

The King of the World

     A few years ago on a Saturday afternoon as I was driving home, I spotted a big tent outside a local real estate office. In front of it was a sign announcing a food drive to support a local food bank. As I slowed down I noticed a man preparing to take down the tent. On impulse I pulled in, got out of my pickup truck and approached the man to inquire if it was too late to make a donation. I noticed other volunteers taking a few boxes into the real estate office. I was told that they would be closing in about a half an hour, but would be grateful for any donations. He didn't say it, but from what I could see, it hadn't been a very successful day. He told me he had planned on taking the collected items to a food bank the next day, and it appeared that he was a little disappointed that there hadn't been more donations. Being only a few minutes from home, I told him I would be back as soon as possible with some canned goods. As I jumped into my truck, I was already on the cell phone to my wife as I explained that we had a "Mission," and that I would be home in five minutes.


     My wife and I, for most of our marriage have been blessed with good jobs, and we try to help others when we can. A number of years ago, we had put up shelving in our garage and laundry room, and when we go shopping we buy extra food to fill the shelves with canned foods, dry goods and soups. Periodically, we give items to different organizations and food banks. My wife has started to call me "The Hoarder," because I always go overboard and buy too much. I always say to her,

"It's okay honey, they were all on sale, and I had double coupons."

     Being of Pennsylvania Dutch ancestry, and a frugal woman, she would give me a knowing smile, and nod her head. When I arrived home my wife and son were already waiting for me in the garage, and were beginning to load food into plastic grocery bags. By the time we were finished, the entire eight-foot bed of my Ford, F-10 pickup was filled with at least forty bags of food. I estimated that it was between five hundred and six hundred pounds of non-perishable goods. It sounds kind of crazy if you think about how someone could have that much food in their garage, but you don't know my wife and I. A few minutes later with a fully loaded truck and dozens of plastic bags flapping in the wind, the three of us headed back to the real estate office.

     As we pulled into the parking lot I could see that the tent was down and no one was outside. For a minute we started to panic thinking that we had come back too late. As we got out of the truck the man I had talked to earlier, recognized my truck and came out of the real estate office. As he slowly, and it seemed wearily approached my truck, he reached out to shake my hand and thank us for donating to a worthy cause. As he came closer and looked into the bed of my truck his attitude as well as his facial expression changed dramatically. I don't remember exactly what he said. It was probably something like "wow" or "Holy Moses." What I do know is that with a newly acquired spring in his step he headed back into the real estate office.

     Within seconds the office doors reopened, and the man swiftly headed towards my truck. Close behind were six or seven people. The scene which ensued had a Mardi-Gras like atmosphere with everyone excitedly talking, laughing, thanking us, and shaking all our hands.

     My son, Adam was ten years old at the time. I told him to climb up into the bed of the truck and start handing down bags to the volunteers. I didn't have to ask him twice, as with the exuberance of youth he swiftly climbed into the bed of the truck. As the truck was unloaded I had time to stand back and watch. Time seemed to slow down as I looked up at my son as he frantically turned this way and that as he placed bags into eager hands. The memory which will stay with me the rest of my life was the sight of my son in the bed of that big white pickup truck.

     Surrounded by adults was this one small boy standing tall amid a sea of plastic bags. As he swiftly handed down the bags to eagerly waiting hands, he had a look on his face that is hard to describe. It was a combination of excitement, joy, pride and purpose, all rolled into one. At that moment, I thought to myself that he was like a powerful and regal king, standing tall and proud among his subjects. Instead of a throne, he had an old pick-up truck loaded with groceries. As I looked up at my son, it seemed like minutes had passed, but I'm sure it was only moments. Before I knew it the truck was empty and the last of the bags were being taken inside. The man I originally met thanked us again, asked our names, and was soon inside; most likely planning a large delivery to the local food bank.

     It seems strange, but even after four years I can close my eyes and see the events of that day so clearly. The memory which will stay with me my entire life, is my son in the bed of that truck standing tall and proud. Looking back I can see that for one shining moment, he really was "The King of the World." For a brief instant in time he was the center of the universe and everything was good, and pure, and decent. Few of us ever get to experience let along witness such a moment. I had a memory which I would keep with me for the rest of my life. A memory which will sustain me through good times and bad. I also realized that during tough times, I can draw strength from that day as I realize that for all the pain and hurt and fear in the world, that there is also hope, and faith, and love, but more importantly-innocence.

Regrets

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” - Sydney Smith

     I've been feeling a little depressed lately. Over the past few years I've faced the death of my father, the loss of my job, a struggle to become a published writer, and the inevitable aches and pains of getting older. Over the the past year, I've done a lot of thinking about my life; the path it's taken through the years, where it is now, and in which direction it is going. I came across the quote above by Sydney Smith a few days ago. To be honest, it made me a little sad. I took a long walk this morning with my dog, Chase, and I did some soul searching. I've done some things in my life that I'm not proud of, and I've made many mistakes. My past is littered with bad choices, roads that led me to dead ends, and decisions that often got me in trouble.

     A few hours ago I sat down and started to make a list of some of the things I did in my past that I regret, and do you know what? The list was empty. As I thought about the past, I felt pain, and hurt, and even a little sorrow, but I didn't feel regret. I came to realize that I am basically a good person. Like all of us, I'm not perfect, but I've always tried my best to do the right thing, and have often made decisions with my heart. Like the quote says, "Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time." The older we get, it seems that our memories of the bad things fade into mist and disappear, while the good memories become crystal clear in our minds.

     As I looked at the blank piece of paper in my hand I came to realize the reason I didn't have any regrets on my list. I began to understand that every decision, choice, and action I have ever made, has led me to where I am right now. Who and what I am, were shaped by my actions in the past. I may not be perfect, but I like the man I've become. My family, friends, and all the people I know and love are in my life at this exact moment in time because of what I did in the past. We've all heard people say that if they could turn back the hands of time, they would do things differently. I've often been told we should be careful what we wish for. Many years ago a woman broke up with me because of mistakes I made. Why should I regret losing a former love, or want to go back and change things. Maybe I did lose her because of a foolish decision I made as a youth. If not for that mistake though, I would have never met my wife, and recently celebrated our eighteenth wedding anniversary. I may have never had my son, Adam who makes me prouder every day.

     Did you ever think at what would your life would be like if you could go back and change things? When I was younger, I was drinking heavily, and my life was heading down a dark and twisted road. One night I was driving drunk, got in an accident, hurt an elderly couple, and faced humbly consequences. I spent the next year, guilt ridden, living in a ten by ten-foot room in a boarding house, surviving on peanut butter and jelly, going in and out of court, and working constantly to pay fines and restitution. That year was the worst of my life, but it helped me turn my life around. If not for that mistake, where would I be today? Chances are I wouldn't even be alive. I think we need to look at all our past actions, decisions, and choices and not regret them, but look at them as hard lessons learned, opportunities given, unexpected doors opened to us, and paths to becoming a better person with a brighter future.

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” - Alexander Graham Bell

     Though I don't have any regrets from my past, I do have a sense of melancholy that's been following me over the past few years. It might have do with my approaching middle age, and wanting to move forward, accomplish great things, find purpose and meaning in my life, and make a real difference in the world. You see, I'm a firm believer that life is a precious gift. I also believe that when we are born, each and every one of us are given special talents and unique gifts, as well as faults, handicaps and obstacles to overcome. We are then sent on our own path with the responsibility of using our gifts. The beauty and wonder of life is that there is a plan. What make life so exciting is that someone forgot to tell us what that plan is. This is the reason we should never have regrets. What is done is done. What has happened was meant to happen. It is all a part of the plan, and it has brought us all to this point. What's important is who and what we are at this exact moment, and what we intend to do right now.  

    I think my melancholy stems from the fact that I've been given many gifts, and I've felt that I haven't used them to reach my potential. I've been blessed with strength and health, a sharp and imaginative mind, and a drive to succeed. I'm not going to say that I "wasted" my life. That sounds too much like a regret. Besides, no life is a waste. We are all here for a reason, and each of us is an important part of life's puzzle. I think the reason I began writing is because, it is one of my gifts, and I wanted to use it. I've been told that I have the ability through my writing to move people; to get them to think, to understand, and feel things. I also write  a lot of humor. I like to make people laugh, and forget their problems for a while. I think if I keep living for today, I won't have to worry about regrets.

   

“A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams” - Proverb quotes

     Before I move on to some other simple thoughts, I want to share something with you. A woman  named Bronnie Ware wrote a wonderful book called, "The Five Top Regrets of the Dying." She wrote the book after working for years with the terminally ill. She asked those who were dying what their greatest regrets were. Here are the top five listed below.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Hey, guess what? It's not too late. Don't let these be your regrets. Your life starts right here and now at this exact moment! 

A Unique Perspective on God

     I am always open to philosophical discussions, and greatly enjoy learning and understanding new things. I don't like to push my own personal beliefs on others. I believe that we all have are own individual paths to follow. I once had an intriguing conversation with a scientist concerning faith and a belief in God. It should be noted that I've known this man for many years, and that he has always considered himself to be an Atheist.

The Christmas Gift

     I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a wonderful new year. I would also like to share a special story I wrote last year about a real life experience that my wife and son had a few years ago. My wife was gracious enough to allow me to share it with you. I think it helps us all realize the true meaning of Christmas. I hope you enjoy it.

Forever - Our own Journey

     This is a story I had written a while ago. It was originally written as a work of fiction, but I found that many people found their own personal meaning in the story. I had written it not to push any particular belief, but to get readers to think, and question what they believe in. I have often struggled with what my own beliefs are, and have battled with faith. I have also questioned the meaning of life, my own purpose in it, is this existence all there is for me, and if they're is a forever. I put a piece of who and what I am into this story. I hope you will not only think about the concept of forever, but take something away with you today. For those of you with stronger faith than me, those who have found what they are looking for, and those who have embraced the concept of forever, I wish you well. I am still on a long and winding journey, and I hope we meet again some day.

P is for Peace

A few months ago I posted a little fun exercise which is used to help us take a look inside ourselves. What you do is pick any letter of the alphabet. Today I'm choosing the letter (P). You then write down words which start with the letter you chose, and then complete a sentence including that word. The last time I learned a lot about myself. The key is to be honest, open, and allow the words to just flow out of your mind. Try not to have any preconceived ideas. What you write can be about anything. Nothing you write is too trivial. Don't worry if something sounds a little silly. Being a little silly or seeing humor in life may be a part of you, and it is a good thing. What you write may be happy or some of it may be sad. You may even dredge up some past hurts or injustices. That's also okay.Who we are and what we are yet to become are an accumulation of all our experiences whether good or bad. Even the bad things have shaped us, made us stronger, taught us lessons, and made us who we are. Sometimes it can be painful to look back, but it is ultimately worth it. Some of you may even want to wax philosphical, and delve into the meaning of life.You may even impart some wisdom which you've picked up along the way, and want to pass on. Good luck with your own exercises.

Does God really "get you" when you do bad things?

     I was in a grocery store a few days ago doing my weekly shopping. In front of me at the checkouts was a young boy of four or five. As his mother loaded her groceries onto the conveyor he was running back and forth, bumping the cart, and yelling, "I want candy" in a loud and shrill voice as he pulled chocolate bars and gum off a nearby shelf. Each time the mother replaced the candy and turned her back he would again grab a handful of candy, repeat his demand, and try to place the candy in the cart. Eventually the mother reached her limit of patience, bent down, picked up her son, and in a stern voice said, "You better behave or God is going to get you. He's probably watching you right now." The boy immediately stopped struggling, became perfectly still, and started glancing to each side, and to the ceiling above. I smiled as I thought of the times in my own youth that I had been faced with the threat of punishment from the almighty. I may have even used the same words on my own son when he was younger. After leaving the store, I thought about the little boy and his mother as I drove home. I decided to write on the subject of whether God watches us, and subsequently punishes us when we are bad. In other words; does God get us?

Rules For Living #9-Learn the Importance of Manners

     When people talk about manners, we often think about the words, please, thank you, and you're welcome. We also think of proper etiquette, including how to dress for certain occasions, which fork or spoon to use during a fancy dinner, holding doors for people, letting someone go in front of you, carrying an elderly person's groceries, taking your hat off indoors, or how to properly address Kings or Queens. What most people don't realize is that having good manners involves much more. I looked up the definition of manners in the dictionary, and it said;

"Manners are the unenforced standards of conduct which demonstrate that a person is proper, polite, and refined. They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behavior, but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing transgressions, with the main informal "punishment" being social disapproval. They are a kind of norm. What is considered "mannerly" is highly susceptible to change with time, geographical location, social stratum, occasion, and other factors."


     To understand what manners are, and to learn their importance as one of the important rules for living a good life, you have to learn a little bit about respect. The key to good manners is to respect others, ourselves and the natural world around us.

Looking for Earthworms

     I was taking my dog, Chase for a walk a few weeks ago, and I just happened to glance down. I saw a long and thin earthworm trying to cross the sidewalk in front of us. The sun was hot, it was moving slowly, and I could see it probably wouldn't make it across. To me the sidewalk was a short two steps in distance, but to the earthworm it was a vast and forbidding desert full of danger. Though it struggled as it slowly moved across the hot pavement, it continued on it's futile journey. I reached down, picked up the worm, and watched as it frantically twisted, turned, and tried to get out of the palm of my hand. I could feel that its skin was dry and it was only a matter of time before it would succumb to the extreme heat, a passing bird looking to feed its young, the shoe of a passerby, or possibly a colony of ants looking for their next meal. I looked at the earthworm for a moment as it blindly continued its struggling. I then gently put it down on the other side of the sidewalk in a soft patch of grass, and poured some water on it from a bottle I always carry. I watched it for a moment as it wiggled its long, brown body to and fro, and moved deeper into the grass towards the rich soil below. I stood and watched for a moment until it was out of sight. As I continued on my way, I began to think about the earthworm and its struggle to cross that hot sidewalk.

Rules For Living #8-Reach Out to Others

     One of the greatest gifts we've been given as human beings, is our ability to reach out to those around us. When I talk about reaching out it doesn't necessarily mean extending a hand, or some other form of physical contact. It also means reaching out with our hearts, minds, souls, and especially our gifts.  It seems strange how we live in a technologically advanced world of instant communication and billions of people, but still, many of us remain alone. You may have read some of my other posts about having meaning and purpose in our lives, learning patience and humility, reaching a state of personal peace, understanding and finding love, gaining self-esteem, making the right choices, and finding that elusive happiness we all seek. All of these things can be achieved, but you will never find them unless you do one thing. You need to reach out to those around you. It's not always easy. You may need to overcome your own pain, hurt, indecision, regrets, hopelessness, and fear. There are also many people out there that are mentally ill, beaten down by circumstances or afraid, and are incapable of reaching out without some type of help from others. You could be the person to reach out, to find that person, and enrich both your lives.